August 28, 2013

Chase and Eric

As I said in my last post I have had a lot of heart ache this year. Our family has lost two amazing sons, brothers, daddies and husbands. I inherited these two amazing men my senior year in high school when my mom married their dad. I was so excited to have three new brothers. I looked up to them and never thought of them as a "step". We quickly formed our family into one. 

 We first lost Chase on March 10th. I will never forget the awful call I received from my mom. I couldn't believe the words she was saying. It was the night before Grandma Jen's (kenny's grandma) funeral. It was such a hard day. Chase is and was an amazing dad. His wife just gave birth to their beautiful baby boy 3 weeks ago. He is so perfect!! Both Chase and Eric suffered from addition. Chase had been clean and graduated from drug court. He had amazing dreams and was an amazing person. I worry about telling people that it was an overdose for fear that they will judge the person he was but unfortunately drugs affect some of the best people in this world. It didn't make him a bad person. Sorry I always ramble about that. But truly Chase would have done anything for you. He was funny and always had a way of making you feel special. 

At Chase's funeral Eric spoke. He said how he always followed in Chase's footsteps. I thought please don't follow this. I think in the back of my head I knew it was possible but didn't want to think about it and Eric was doing so well. He had been clean the longest he ever had but at the first of June it all changed. He relapsed! I told him over and over that it doesn't matter that you relapsed just get can do it. On July 8th around 8:00 I had this overwhelming feeling as I was putting groceries away that I needed to call him. I picked up my phone. I was so busy. The kids were tired, I needed to plan yw's for that week but that feeling was so strong. We talked for about 20 minutes at the end of the call I said I don't want to let you go. I'm afraid!! He said everything would be fine but in my gut I didn't feel it was. I told Kenny that night I thought something bad was going to happen but the next morning everything was fine. He was safe and nothing happened so I went on with the rest of my busy week. But Thursday the 11th I got the second worst call I have ever got. We had lost him. 4 months and a day. I couldn't believe the news. I was so heart broken. My heart hurt for my mom and step dad but also his kids who love him beyond words. I knew how bad my heart hurt and to think of how everyone else was hurting killed me. 

I know Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. I believe both Chase and Eric are needed for something bigger then what they could accomplish on this earth but it still doesn't make my heart any better. I for sure have my better days which the last few days haven't been. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them. I love you both always!! 

The last family picture with all of us. 

Me, Eric and Cory in Hawaii in 2004

Chase with his beautiful family. The picture with the football is him and Eric. They were so goofy!! :)

Eric with his beautiful kids.